I feel incompetent and worthless. And it sucks even more when I don't know where all these are coming from. I'm scared when I don't have the answers, or when I'm unable to make the simplest decisions. Used to be that I'm this uber-confident person but right now I just feel plain dumb and stupid--that sometimes no matter how hard I try I just can't do things right. It feels as bad as when you get stuck at 2+2 and you're at a loss then out of nowhere a 7-year old pipes in, "four." That bad.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
:: Guilty Innocent ::
Sometimes I get giddily scared. Gut feel says you have to hold this thing or it would go away. There was this one day I woke up and I thought that my partner isn't completely honest and loyal with me. The logical me would tell me, it's just a thought; the paranoid in me would try to find out. In as much as it takes me sometime before I actually get suspicious on people, it takes me about the same amount of time to get my suspicions off someone. And I don't want to live on suspicions every day.
I get sad when my partner thinks of me that way; maybe it's the same reason why I thought my partner isn't honest. Because the simplest things would tick her off, because the simplest things would mean so much worse than it actually is. I start to wonder that maybe that's the way she does it that's why it freaks her out that much..
It's tough living without trust, or not being trusted, for this matter. I feel low of myself; guilty unless proven otherwise. Should it not be innocent until proven otherwise?
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
:: Toothache ::
I have a major toothache. Of all the aches in the world, I wouldn't want to have this. You know how it is, when you have a toothache, it's like you're paralized all over. My right cheek is bigger than my left. And I'm gonna see a dentist later. Hardly slept because I wake up to a piercing pain. Darn.
Saturday, May 09, 2009
:: I'm 23?! ::
A few weeks ago, I told Ella, my cousin, I don't like 23. I just don't. Doesn't sound right. I'd rather be 22, or 24... But it's inevitable. It's a bittersweet day.
I woke up to a bowl of yummy champorado with Alaska powdered milk on top, danggit on the side, bacon and my favorite sugarfree bread on another plate. A cup of UCC coffee and my breakfast was perfect. Headed off to work, where my partner prepared a blowout lunch for me and the rest of the Seaoil Merville crew: pansit bihon, lechon manok, rice, Pepsi and Red Ribbon cake from my Pepper, the shih tzu.
Got a surprise audit from somebody from Seaoil head office, hmmm. Timing. *sarcasm* Anyway, car shopping from all over QC area--EDSA, Mindanao and Visayas avenues. Crossing my fingers. Let you know when I get one. Hehe. I'm sooo excited...nuninuninu..
We were already exhausted when we picked up Pepper again from Merville and Friday night really slows traffic. We got home around 9-ish, changed and headed out for dinner. We don't want to gamble on the traffic so we stayed at Bonifacio High Street. Dinner and coffee.
It's 3am and I'm still replying to people who greeted me. Thanks everyone for remembering!
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
:: Too Much Fuss ::
It's been over a month since I last posted anything. Oh well. Probably that's what happens when you don't get much idle time. Unlike I used to have when I still spend my days off in Seoul with nothing very much to do but stare at my laptop...
So what have I been up to, now that I'm no longer a flight attendant? Oh, by the way, to those people who sends me messages, thank you. I am honored to be a "role model" or "someone to look up to" or "someone who inspires" you. And to sassymonica who says my writings are "good for print"! Wow. :) And don't worry, to the girls who want to be a flight attendant in the future, maybe I'd write something on that sometime. And to Tin, I will blog about my reasons for quitting too.
I had a really good Holy Week (okay so this update is soo ten years ago), a couple of weeks of bum time, then started getting my ass to work. I am currently helping out with my workaholic partner's business at Seaoil Merville in Paranaque (plugging!), as station-supervisor-and-everything-else. Haha. So my brain actually works. Geez. Thought it was already stuck or something.
You might be thinking, "from flying to petroleum?" It's nice to learn new things everyday, you know. I'm not a person who'd probably have her own business as I'm afraid to gamble on money so this is a very different learning experience from me. I went from choosing which scents to buy from Bath and Body Works to issuing half a million checks and making sure we don't go bankrupt. My concerns went from foreign exchange rates to oil price hikes. LOL.
+ + +
So my big question is...what's all the fuss on Martin Nievera's version of the national anthem at Manny Pacquiao's match last Sunday? I mean, hello? Watch Superbowl and you'll see all versions of the American national anthem; every singer would always give his/her own version. If they wanted what's on tape, why pay someone the money to sing what's exactly on tape? It's not like he made the song into hiphop or something... Seriously!
