I feel incompetent and worthless. And it sucks even more when I don't know where all these are coming from. I'm scared when I don't have the answers, or when I'm unable to make the simplest decisions. Used to be that I'm this uber-confident person but right now I just feel plain dumb and stupid--that sometimes no matter how hard I try I just can't do things right. It feels as bad as when you get stuck at 2+2 and you're at a loss then out of nowhere a 7-year old pipes in, "four." That bad.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
:: Guilty Innocent ::
Sometimes I get giddily scared. Gut feel says you have to hold this thing or it would go away. There was this one day I woke up and I thought that my partner isn't completely honest and loyal with me. The logical me would tell me, it's just a thought; the paranoid in me would try to find out. In as much as it takes me sometime before I actually get suspicious on people, it takes me about the same amount of time to get my suspicions off someone. And I don't want to live on suspicions every day.
I get sad when my partner thinks of me that way; maybe it's the same reason why I thought my partner isn't honest. Because the simplest things would tick her off, because the simplest things would mean so much worse than it actually is. I start to wonder that maybe that's the way she does it that's why it freaks her out that much..
It's tough living without trust, or not being trusted, for this matter. I feel low of myself; guilty unless proven otherwise. Should it not be innocent until proven otherwise?
