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THROUGH MY DEEP SET EYES
http://throughmydeepseteyes.blogspot.com

My 2012

Before we left Baguio, we dropped by the Pink Sisters Convent to say short prayers. Being two days away from the new year and being the last time I'll be in church for this year, I prayed for my 2012. I prayed and thanked God--

--for the emotional strength He had given me. If not for that, I would not have survived the emotional rollercoaster I went through with my last relationship.

--for the guidance and strength through the heartbreak and all things nasty at my workplace.

--for family.

--for friends. I have lost some, made new ones, and rekindled with others who have drifted apart. Also, that they have greatly helped me during my lowest times. 

--for understanding a lot more things outside my norm. That I have learned and understood drinking, partying, and view it differently than the superficial. For being able to live life much lighter, and making the most out of it, rather than over thinking.

--for keeping me safe, everyday. Through my drunkenness, car problems, and that one time that I almost got hit by a motorcycle. And also on out of town travels.

--for giving me back my faith.

--for ending my year sweetly. I am sure there are no coincidences, and that everything is planned by Him. For giving me 'my 2012'. Thank you, Lord, for my Rich.

My Series 5 Work Laptop

My friends would always say, I must have been male in my past life. This is because I normally am not excited about glamming up, or shopping for clothes and make up. Gadgets and cars get me sooo hyped up like a typical guy. 

Just recently, I sought permission from my boss to request for a laptop, since I am doing double duty, and could be out of office (or out of town, sometimes) for meetings and what-nots. Being the generous and I-am-techie one, he personally called the president of our IT company and made his recommendation. I was just looking for something with nice keyboards and not so heavy like my last HP laptop. 

Samsung Series 5 Ultrabook
(Photo credit: akascope.com)

Well, my boss never settles for anything less. He ordered a Samsung Series 5 13.3" for me! I felt like a kid who'd want to jump up and down while our IT people were setting it up. It's so thin, I like the keyboard and it's just right for my aesthetic taste! My MacBook Pro craving vanished in an instant!

It was also upgraded to Windows 8. Quite frankly, it [the interface] looks nice, but I'm kinda getting lost. Well I'm sure it takes time. I kinda miss the Aero-theme-ness of Vista/Windows 7 though. The windows on the 8 aren't translucent--or am I just not figuring it out right? Anyhow,  that doesn't matter much anyway, I like sleekness and boxiness of everything on Windows 8 (I'm a sucker for clean lines).

However, I noticed that after upgrading to Windows 8, my touchpad no longer scrolls (using two fingers). I wonder who's solved this yet? I was trying to Google this and a lot of Windows 8 users are saying the same thing; can't even find a Control Panel option for it. Hmmm...help?

Christmas Hugs

As they say, life is a series of ups and downs. After finding myself on the low side of life lately--and I'm speaking emotionally, psychologically, work-related, and even financially--a series of semi-unfortunate events lead me to where I wanted to be.

This just makes me look back and thank God for all the blessings, as well for the blessings in disguise. He has just made me happier, more relaxed, with a feeling of fulfillment more than ever. I believe in karma, good and bad ones. I feel like a school girl who was just given a brand new pink Barbie stroller and I just can't wait to go to school everyday--whereas the bullies just got detention.

Life's been looking up: I got a raise, a new and exciting role (in addition to what I was) at work, my family's been nothing but closer and more appreciative. And, I just, officially, became a girlfriend. Would love to gush about details here, but let me have it to myself to treasure and remember. It was a public declaration though, but relaying the story just won't give justice to it.

So cheers to having ups and downs, to new challenges, and for keeping people close to your heart. Happy holidays! Here's a Christmas hug from me to you!

Back to Square One

I was happy. Then I wasn't. This week is just plainly unbelievable. I feel so judged and unaccepted. I do not have issues on acceptance by people who don't matter to me, but for people I love most, it does.

I was watching The Tourist a week or so back, and a line that Angelina Jolie delivers goes something like, "People have two sides. The good side and the bad side. When we love, we need to embrace both." Wording might be wrong, but you get the point.

I'm tired of making people understand who I am. How I am. How I can be. I just want someone who appreciates me for what I am, accepts that I may not be perfect, but is willing to also understand--to some extent--the way I see things. That everyone has his/her own way of seeing things, formulated from experience, and that it can vary from mine. After all, no two experiences are alike. That the actions we do, reactions that come out of our mouths, thoughts we think and theories we believe in can vary.

I'm so broken. I'm back to square one. Not again.

Slowly Believing

A lot of times we look back on things that hurt us, and we ask so many questions. Like, "Why did it happen?" "What could I have done," "Why  me," "Where did I go wrong?" Most of the time, we don't have the answers. And this is when we leave it up to fate. 

My 'fate' tattoo design.

I was NOT a believer of fate, so bad that I wanted it tattooed on my wrist: to remind me everyday that there are some things that are beyond our control. That there are some things that were bound to happen--to form us, shape us, and make us stronger and better. That nothing is by chance, and everything happens for a reason.

I can't believe how I'm saying all these right now, when a few months back I hear nothing but these fate talks from everyone. I didn't believe in fate because I used to believe in working hard for what you want, and not accept that it's "just not meant to be."

But now, more than ever, I believe--in a way--in fate. Even better, I have faith.

Just Live

At some point, I just wanna be private. My life, my rules, my happiness. Where nobody tells me what to do, and no effort in living up to people's expectations. No thinking of what others would think of my actions, decisions, choices, and thoughts.

On these days, I just wanna lie on the beach, watch the sun set. Take my own sweet time. Or pull out a blanket lie on the grass and stargaze. Get lost in the horizon. Not worry about tomorrow.

Because life is too short to be worrying about how to live it--or how to make the most out of it. Don't think about how, just live.

Live.

Laugh.

Cry.

Love.

Learn.

Enjoy.

Indulge.

Be crazy. Be spontaneous. Be creative. Be happy. Be everything you wanna be.