Thursday, June 04, 2009

Guilty Innocent

Sometimes I get giddily scared. Gut feel says you have to hold this thing or it would go away. There was this one day I woke up and I thought that my J isn't completely honest and loyal with me. The logical me would tell me, it's just a thought; the paranoid in me would try to find out. In as much as it takes me sometime before I actually get suspicious on people, it takes me about the same amount of time to get my suspicions off someone. And I don't want to live on suspicions every day.

I get sad when my J thinks of me that way; maybe it's the same reason why I thought J isn't honest. Because the simplest things would tick J off, because the simplest things would mean so much worse than it actually is. I start to wonder that maybe that's the way J does it that's why it freaks im out that much..

It's tough living without trust, or not being trusted, for this matter. I feel low of myself; guilty unless proven otherwise. Should it not be innocent until proven otherwise?

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