Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Playing Whoever

As much fun as it may seem, I do not play with anyone's feelings. I do not toy with them; I do not lead them on. Most of the time, I'm just being myself, enjoying another person's company. I am very clear about not being ready for anything, and that I am not looking for a 'someone.' 

I don't get it why some guys over analyze, or give meanings to everything. Let's turn the tables around: if a guy tells me, "I'm not ready for a relationship," I may get hurt by this and either walk away or stay. I would not demand for anything more, albeit what I'd probably want to happen. What I'll do? I'll wait. 

I also don't get the point of pressuring me to just take you and be your girlfriend even if I'm not ready for one. Won't that just equate to some fucked up relationship? Again, it's always been clear, I don't want anything else but to just hang out and have fun. There is no room for drama, no room for me to think of anybody else's feelings/disposition. 

So yeah, the last thing I'd like is someone asking me if I'm just 'playing' whoever, because I'm not. I never did, never tried, never even thought of it. To set things straight, I'm not even dating. I go out with friends, yes.  They may be guys, but I'm not after a boyfriend.

Monday, July 30, 2012

My Full Week

Social life. My friend Mina used to tease that I didn't have one. I had no idea how to go about it, but I learned---and continue to learn. I understand that socializing is not only over drinking. But it does relax people and get them talking. It was a very busy week for my social calendar...

Dinner with Joey + a couple of drinks over business talks. A little later, I arrive at my second home--Rue Bourbon--where my beer bud is waiting with shots. On this day, I also got my car back, but I'm sleepy and wasted so I didn't bring it home.

Surprisingly, one of the GMs and an officemate said yes to having a drink, so Chicken & Beer it was. We were literally having, chicken and beer. Afterwards, Joey picked me up and then we had dinner at Army Navy nearby. Rain was on and off, and we walked my way through soberness so I can take my car home. And GOSH I so missed my car. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed driving my car. By 11p.m. the beer bud was thinking I was still in Fort; we ended up having drinks at my pad. 

This one is one for the books. I met with Mina and Dan to dine out with Sara, their Chinese expat. Had dinner at Cafe Juanita in Burgos Circle and made Sara try Kare-Kare, Adobo and something else. She doesn't drink so it's left to us three. As we passed by Distillery, we saw some Ericsson friends so we stayed for a bottle of Stella Artois. Mina was unfortunately tired from dragonboat training so she headed home. For reasons known to me and Dan, it was a bad day--so it's time to try something new to perk us up. We head 'home' to Rue, and go international. A picture is worth a thousand words, so here goes:

Hoegaarden, Tiger, Beck's, Leffe, Kwak and Paulaner

Dinner at Just Thai with Rea--my travel agent--and Lori the CFO's assistant. Beer bud tagged along. After dinner, Lori heads home and the three of us were supposed to hangout at Rue, but ended up at Chicken & Beer with Ericsson peeps. There were I think about ten guys and then there was only Rea and I. The ultimate socialization test was when they separated the two of us to chat with two different groups. But I must say, I did okay. :) Afterwards, we hanged out at Rue again; had Rea try the ultimate 'Gunpowder.' (Search for it on YouTube.) It's also so refreshing to introduce her to my current favorite beer, Hoegaarden

GM and some officemates treated for a couple of beers. Afterwards, I met some of their friends and hanged out at Basty's. This place happens to be on the ground floor of my building, but have never been to, so it's great to experience it. By 10:30pm, my dinner date has finally reached the Fort and picked me up from Net Quad. Dinner, then home. 

I was supposed to meet my Sitel trainer Jyl for dinner, but the plan got cancelled as she had a doctor's appointment. Not a problem with me, it was raining and it's a weekend, what other better way but to be lazy? At 6pm my youngest brother calls me and declares he's coming over--from Navotas. Sensing urgency and problem/s, I said yes to meeting him at Megamall. Phoned my mom right after and true enough, it was a warzone at home. We had dinner at Secret Recipe; and though he didn't share much, I'm still glad he phone his Ate more than anybody else. I knew I was going out that night to party, but I offered my place to my bro if he needed a place to stay. However, he's set on watching the The Dark Knight Rises alone so off I go. Yes, family is always a priority. 

I was in my strike-anywhere-anyplace clothes as I didn't know where we're going. Weekends are usually spent from one bar to another, depending on music, crowd and what-not. The beer bud and I meet--where else--at my 'second home,' the only place I'll be comfortable walking in and waiting on my own. I think we went to 5 different bars (bar hopping!?) plus an early morning breakfast before we headed home. It was already before 5 a.m., and Milo 42K-ers were already sprinting Buendia.

We were freakin' tired from Saturday night that we woke up at past noon. Hungry, we had a full lunch at the House of Minis, which is a stone's throw away from my place. I imagined my day to be quiet--not boring--so I set off to do my laundry and went back to reading Fifty Shades Darker on my iPhone. Out of the blue a friend invites me to go with to Laguna...at 7p.m. Instant road trip!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Bratty Me and Guy Drama

Yesterday I was feeling like such a brat. I'm not sure if it's the hormones, or the natural cuddly me that I was seeking for some major spoiling. On a normal day, I am the most rational and practical person. On a brat day, however, there are no other reasons for me but "because I said so." 

We were scheduled to have pares dinner yesterday, but something came up so the beer bud took me out for lunch instead. Over lunch, I really wasn't buying any of his jokes and was staring at him like he's dead meat. Out of nowhere I said, "Bili mo kong Ray-Ban?" (Can you buy me a Ray-Ban?) He almost bought it, except for the condition that we had to go right then to the mall--tricky because I still have work. LOL. Before I headed back, he gave me chocolates, my 'happy hormones' food. And because of the chocolates, I've changed my mind about the Ray-Bans. I want a MacBook Pro instead. :)


Back at my desk and halfway through the Snickers bar, I still wasn't feeling any happier. This mood swing. Darn it. Of all the times that he could, the ex chose the brat day for drama. Tsktsk. Not a good thing to do. I already told him "It's a brat day." But still went on and on with his drama. BBM just got flooded; soon enough exclamation points were overflowing from my end. 

Since when had guys been into drama? There's this guy who's been meaning to take me out but it just so happened that he can't keep up with my schedule. No, I will not block off my calendar for an indefinite night. No, I will not adjust to your schedule. And no, I will not make it easier for you by getting nearer your proximity. It goes to say, if there's a will, there's a way. Lately all I want is a "Yes" or a "No." No buts, no ifs, no because/s. 

You see, I just don't need any drama right now. I have myself to look after, I am in no position to think about other people's problems, feelings and welfare right now. If you're not contented with your life, it's your problem. If you're not happy, then I really don't care. Do you feel like a loser? Maybe you are. Are your brilliant plans backfiring on you? I told you not to mess with me; not so brilliant, eh? You think you can get away with it? I'll leave it to karma. Trying to hurt me, make me feel guilty? I'm apathetic, you don't matter. 

I hate to break it to you, but not everything is about you.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

The Players: What Is It About Them?

We've heard it so many times; a nice girl or an intelligent lady gets hooked on a guy not the least bit as dedicated as she is. In the end, she may get heartbroken or probably be left hanging. The players. What is it about them? To my guy friends who never seem to get the girls, read on.


This is not measured by how confident you are about your achievements; rather, this is about how confident you are when you approach a girl. We don't freakin' care if you graduated from where, really. We could somehow sense if this doesn't come naturally. I, in particular, appreciate guts. I'm not the friendliest face in town so I'm not commonly approached by guys, but in case there are people I come across and initiate a conversation--I most likely will talk to.


Flattery is so cliché. Stop telling a girl she looks pretty or hot--she probably is and that's why you're there in the first place. Too much flattery is a major fail too, it's so unnatural. We'd know you just want us to feel good. Go for details.

After a couple of nights out with some guy, he said, "You don't like earrings much, do you?" I smiled and thought, 'Wow, details.' And being keen on details does not only apply to physical details, but also in conversations--remembering things she mentioned in passing gets you another smile.


Photo credit: Romanceways.com
Now for the hard part: keeping the conversation going. Most ladies, especially in the Philippines, will be too polite to show you they're bored. Like most self-help tips on the Internet say, stop blabbing about you. We don't care how many charities you've donated to. We won't even know if it's just crap and you're just trying to appeal to our emotions. Be conscious enough which topics she is responding to. If you don't know something that she seems to be interested in, don't play the know-it-all. Ask!

I'm a badass when it comes to grammar and I was trying to intimidate one guy by correcting him every time he makes a grammar boo-boo. Instead of getting offended/intimidated, he actually admitted it's not his best point, and asked me about some of the common mistakes he normally make. I'm in awe at how warmly it was received, and the guts to admit, rather than try to overdo/impress.


Unfortunately, this does count. If a guy asks a girl out, it is but expected for him to pay. Even if the girl insists. If it was the other way around, offer to pay at least half. If you can afford it and if she doesn't insist, pay. :)

I can't quite explain why. Maybe it's because the ladies don't want to feel that she's 'buying' your time? Or because, in general, we are looking for someone financially stable to support us? I'm definitely an independent lady, but I somehow appreciate if the guy is paying, even if I know I can pay for all of it. Let me expound on this some other time.


Say, you like this high-maintenance girl. Then you be on the same level with her, at least for the first few times. If not, it may be too much of a hassle for her. For example, I have long skipped the public transpo. I dress differently on an everyday basis, and would need to dress differently if I'm taking the bus. You can't surprise me to pick me up and walk to the jeepney station wearing my flowy dress and heels. I know, arte. But, it does make me uncomfortable. In relation to #4, we'd probably take a cab if I know you can afford it, but will take the jeepney if I know it's gonna cost you half of your budget. But you have to understand that if either way someone will suffer, most likely it will be hard to spend more time with you. It's just too much of a hassle. You can always work your way through the conversation for me to maybe try something out of my box next time, but not all the time. If you can't quite keep up, then maybe she is indeed out of your league.

Or, let's do it the other way: you're a rich guy, you like a simple girl. You have to at least meet half way. Be rich without making her feel inferior or intimidated. From time to time, you take her to a nice place; make sure she knows beforehand so she's not caught off guard. Most of the time, you can meet halfway.


The players would have had so many different dates. These people do not need a guide on where to go, what to eat, etc. Or, if the girl suggests the place, he would have Googled it for directions and reviews. There may be so little or no hint that he is not familiar with the place, making you both feel at ease. The best date? The ones who make reservations.

A few weeks back, someone asked me out. Dinner. I said yes on one condition: Thai Food. I have no idea on his culinary background and adventure but he just said, "Sure, no prob." A few hours before dinner, he met me at the office and we went to this Thai resto. I knew what I wanted, I've been craving for it for a week then. I was curious what he wanted. So we ordered, afterwhich I asked him if he likes Thai. He said he's never tried it before. Surprised? Not so. In the end, he did order a wonderful dish. He said he browsed through Our Awesome Planet, checked on the food, asked the waiter about their best seller.

Keep in mind though, not every girl would tell you what she wants or where she wants to go. Most of the time, it's up to you. So you have to kind of gauge what kind of girl she is before you bring her to a place. Where you take her may imply what you think of her. If you don't have the experience, make it up by research.


Some may perceive this as a bad thing, but the players don't usually 'declare' their intent. There's no, "Pwede bang manligaw," lines. No drama in meeting the parents. Generally because, they're players. But this can apply too, in a no-play zone. Too much formality makes the girl uncomfortable. I do remember talking to someone about this, and these were my points for him:

  • If you like a girl, talk to her. Don't stalk. It would be creepy when you finally get to talk to her and you know all these things about her. Yes, I know I said research, but no stalking. Being friends on Facebook doesn't mean you're already friends with her. You can't be friends with her on Facebook and then formally ask her out over a Facebook message. Be cool and casual--in person.
  • Being someone always pushed over to the friend zone, he wants it out in the open--soon. He thinks that befriending the girl and then start with going onto the next level is a betrayal. Not so. Absolutely not. For one, if you do it too soon, apart from a blank stare, she'd probably avoid you. It is natural for friends to eventually like each other, so no harm in befriending. Lastly, if you tell her too soon, you won't get to know the real her. She'd be all too self-conscious about how she is around you--that's if she's even there.
  • Personally, I have said it over and again, I don't like the formal courtship thing. The purpose of courtship is to get to know each other. There's no need to label people as suitors. Skip the "Can I court you," line. At least for me, I'd rather have a good time than think about if I'm giving you wrong signals with every action I do. Maybe because I'm one of the guys, so the whole flower-chocolates-Romeo & Juliet-things aren't really making me swoon.
  • G, I can't remember what else I said. Help me out here :)


Isn't it by nature, we want something we don't have? The more challenging the girl is, the more pursuant the guy. The players know this too. How do they do it? They give you all the attention you want, they get you hooked, and then they make you miss them. Some may deliberately let you know that they're also spending some time with girl 'friends'. This creates that mindset on the girl that she has to act fast, otherwise, some other girl gets him.

No, I am not saying you have to threaten your date. I am saying, stop drooling over her. Not too much attention. If you're a dog who follows her around, gets what she wants in a snap, you are most likely going to the friend zone, or, suffer a very long courtship stage. This is because, quite frankly, she knows there is no competition, or nothing to take your attention off her. She can have all the time in the world with you. She's not eager to meet you this week for coffee because next month, you'd still be there.

All these being said, it's my time to play. :)