Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Drive

Have you ever felt like nothing--absolutely nothing--is going right with your life? That's exactly how I feel right now. I was in San Francisco the other day and I was literally crying my heart out. I slept so long (a big thanks to my sleeping pills too) to lessen the hours that I have to think things over. I'm numbing myself--the way Al would always do in times he's problematic. The last time I felt like this was February 2005.

Then you start shunning people out of your life and create your own little world where people won't ask, won't care and you won't have to explain a wee bit. I've had my life turn out exactly the way I wanted it to turn out. But right now, the way my life drives is like it's making a sharp turn without even putting the blinkers on. It doesn't really matter anymore whether the lights are green or red; I better let the people know that I'm switching my hazard lights on now, for the steering wheel has lost its grip.

It's me against the world. I'm being the trials before aren't difficult enough. I would usually just go with the flow and let my instincts, fate and God take the wheel and bring me to the path I should be on. But lately none of those that I rely on would show and lead me. It's just me, myself and I, plus the biased opinions and more confusion that is all there is to it.

I am not the person who wouldn't have answers, but as of late, my answer bank is just empty and not a single hint comes up.

The drive right now isn't even choosing on Y-road. It's wandering aimlessly at a desert and not knowing whether or not you're even on a path or you're just driving around in circles.

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