Crossed out

I've been receiving the weirdest Friendster messages and being added by complete strangers recently. Been wondering if my profile is advertised somewhere, something like that. Haha. On another news, (haha) my dad didn't take me to the derma today. Trademark. Hopefully we'll go some time this week. *fingers crossed*

Sixpence none the richer

Said I won't be blogging today but unfortunately I think my sleeping time has adjusted to a.m. instead of p.m. I have full-blown helluva red spots on my arms lately so I convinced my dad that we see another dermatologist; yey we're going on Monday!

They say [medically] depressed people don't even know that they are. But emotionally depressed people, I think, know they are. I think I am. And in need of help. Not professionally of course. I think I'm turning into a monster (sorry, just re-watched Monsters, Inc. on cable tonight), or a grumpy old lady next door. Been staying up late, getting taray for the smallest reasons, and almost kissed my diet goodbye (am eating endlessly).

I used to express sadness in poetry writing before, but I figured out that I suck at it so I stopped. Then I tried painting, and I can't paint at all. Then blogging, which I'm doing now but I know I'm not good at it. Wish I have a DSLR so I could go with my ultimate dream hobby, photography.

Woe me, I'm poor! Spent the last of my money on the movie tickets yesterday. Nonchalant huh?

Booster shots

I went on a very short-notice-five-minute interview at a hotel today. I can't help but think what a waste of a day it was considering I had to skip breakfast, jump in the shower, don business wear, put tons of makeup, and the transpo money of course. Glad I didn't hesitate bringing a pair of jeans, shirt and flip flops. Then I headed for Greenbelt 3.

Was supposed to see Cars but screening time was later so I went to see The Lakehouse. After all, I've been meaning to see this remake after I've seen Il Mare on VCD months ago. I won't spoil the fun for those who haven't seen it yet so I'd probably blog about my observations and comparison notes sometime next week.

It says, how do you hold on to someone you've never met? I say, how do you hold on to something you've never had?

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I also saw the Superman trailer, gosh, I didn't know he was cute! Finally, a handsome man of steel. I still don't think I'd go see that one on the big screen though. Am not a sci fi fan, you know. At least it made me happy to see that this Superman got his hair untidy for once.

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On yet another depressing story, as I was on the way to Makati for the above mentioned interview, I took the LRT. Lucky for me I was able to take a seat for the train wasn't as jam packed as [Baclaran] Wednesdays. My hands were on my lap, palms up. Beside me was a woman, maybe around mid-20s. Suddenly the seat seemed a bit more spacious. I look on to her and guess what I see. The woman trying to get as far from me as possible while looking and apparently trying to avoid my red-spotted arms. Like I have the most contagious skin disease on earth. I can't blame her; I know she's protecting herself. She must've thought it was measles or chicken pox. Nice. What a boost.

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A shout out goes to Ice: I missed ya too! Especially you calling me Kitchie. Thanks so much for today's chat.

As final as it can get

I think I didn't make it. The minute we walked into the room, the judges were just looking at our legs! One even had to lift her skirt a bit so that they'd see her knees. Then came introduction and answering the Why you wanted to be a flight attendant question. (Lucky we didn't pick a question from a fishbowl.) After which the judges are supposed to ask questions. Well, they sure didn't ask me a lot of questions, unlike some other girls of my batch. Absolutely least interest in me.

Feeling so stumped I proceeded to one of my favorite chapels in Makati--Tereza Gomez Chapel--and sat. Then knelt. And sat up again... Allowing my exposed shoulders to chill.

Post-interview, I was frowning while walking, even just crossing Ayala. And not even a box of McNuggets, as I've told Niko, would cheer me up. I even intended to buy a happy meal (trying my luck if it makes me happy at all) but they ran out of the red car toys--for the Cars promo--and was giving me a van toy instead. Sheesh.

While munching, I broke the almost-official bad news to my mom, who in turn replied: As long as you did your best there's no turning back. Just move forward. You're great and you know it. How would I, now that I'm doubting my skills.

And the worst part, I go home and have to tell my sibs I think I didn't make it in the most casual and no-emotions way. I so want to cry but I have to ask my bro how's his first day in college, or how's my sister's second day in the new school, or attend to Yana and make her giggle. And in between watching My Girl I get teary eyed while my sister's laughing at Jasmine.

I happened to surf past Disney channel, showing Princess Diaries 2. This song always makes me want to cry. Maybe coz it embodies what I really want?

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til I touch the sky
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway.

No smiles for the mean time

I signed up for Bloglines last night upon reading it from a post at Tin's blog... Awesome! Talk about making everything so much easier.

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About the new profile pic, uh, I don't know. I don't feel like looking at my blog and seeing myself all smiles while I'm at home so bothered by a lot of things.

Two dermatologists and counting

A family friend was kidnapped a few days ago, ransom is a hundred million pesos. Geez.

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My gosh, I so pity you--the people who apparently thought a tagboard was a chat room--for the lack of respect. Just like a famous super hero who said, "With power comes great responsibility," having the privilege of using the internet requires the same. THERE ARE NETIQUETTES, PEOPLE. Find a chat site or go for Yahoo Messenger! Still clueless? Allow me to suggest a few sites: Flirtage, Chathouse or better yet, Yahoo Chat.

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So much for wasting my time on annoying people, back to reality, I've been at home for a good two weeks now. Well except for the day when I went shopping for a sleeveless-but-business-clothes for the interview. Some of my classmates are now working, some for non-tourism establishments though. And I, I'm still trying to pursue my dream. Nobody ever said achieving your dreams were easy, but I never thought it was so tough. There are a lot of sacrifices. Like letting go some offers, trying to lose weight, etc. And the confidence level slump.

I've seen two dermatologists already (for the red spots on my arms), to no avail. I was trying to schedule another appointment with a third so that before my final interview (uh, yeah I passed the second interview coz luckily they didn't check on the arms and the legs) comes, my arms'd be clear. But lo, my final int sched was so soon... Just six days after I went to the second int. The final int would be on Wednesday... And hey, I need some prayers out there. Thanks.

My lola's been telling me to make room for disappointment, and so does my mom. But I don't know, I think I'm really getting my hopes up too high for this coz I really want this job. I was never the pessimistic type so I always hope I'd get in, lately my thoughts are evening out. Maybe they're right; maybe I'd get through the int and then fail the medical exams; or whatever. I don't know. They always tell me, "If it's for you, it's for you." But I know it should be for me, I mean I know I can do the job. Really. Waa. Prayers, please. I'd really appreciate that. Kulang nalang magnovena ako sa Baclaran.

Sporty Spice

Gosh, I was so glad Mikee was second on the Pinoy Big Brother finale. Not that I want Kim to win--I knew she would--I just want the Mikee to finish past Gerald. No, I'm NOT a Mikee-Kim fan or a Mikee fan for that matter. I just think a cheater shouldn't be given half a million. Hahaha...

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I've been a bit sporty lately. No, not the type who'd go out and do fencing or something. I'm most of the time glued on the TV watching different kinds of it. I watch swimming (I don't know what competition that is), an inter-Australia swimming competition, the Asian 9-ball Championship, the French Open 2006, blah blah blah. I'm not much of a World Cup fan so don't expect me to blab about David Beckham or something. Ask Princess, the girl who'd love to snatch David from Victoria. Haha.

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I forgot how to Share-a-Load sa Globe. And everyone else in the house is on Smart.

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Funny how I seem to have a dream every night. Every night. Some I remember, some I don't.