The Players: What Is It About Them?

We've heard it so many times; a nice girl or an intelligent lady gets hooked on a guy not the least bit as dedicated as she is. In the end, she may get heartbroken or probably be left hanging. The players. What is it about them? To my guy friends who never seem to get the girls, read on.

1. CONFIDENCE

This is not measured by how confident you are about your achievements; rather, this is about how confident you are when you approach a girl. We don't freakin' care if you graduated from where, really. We could somehow sense if this doesn't come naturally. I, in particular, appreciate guts. I'm not the friendliest face in town so I'm not commonly approached by guys, but in case there are people I come across and initiate a conversation--I most likely will talk to.

2. DETAILS

Flattery is so cliché. Stop telling a girl she looks pretty or hot--she probably is and that's why you're there in the first place. Too much flattery is a major fail too, it's so unnatural. We'd know you just want us to feel good. Go for details.

After a couple of nights out with some guy, he said, "You don't like earrings much, do you?" I smiled and thought, 'Wow, details.' And being keen on details does not only apply to physical details, but also in conversations--remembering things she mentioned in passing gets you another smile.

3. TALKING THE TALK

Photo credit: Romanceways.com

Now for the hard part: keeping the conversation going. Most ladies, especially in the Philippines, will be too polite to show you they're bored. Like most self-help tips on the Internet say, stop blabbing about you. We don't care how many charities you've donated to. We won't even know if it's just crap and you're just trying to appeal to our emotions. Be conscious enough which topics she is responding to. If you don't know something that she seems to be interested in, don't play the know-it-all. Ask!

I'm a badass when it comes to grammar and I was trying to intimidate one guy by correcting him every time he makes a grammar boo-boo. Instead of getting offended/intimidated, he actually admitted it's not his best point, and asked me about some of the common mistakes he normally make. I'm in awe at how warmly it was received, and the guts to admit, rather than try to overdo/impress.

4. SPENDING

Unfortunately, this does count. If a guy asks a girl out, it is but expected for him to pay. Even if the girl insists. If it was the other way around, offer to pay at least half. If you can afford it and if she doesn't insist, pay. :)

I can't quite explain why. Maybe it's because the ladies don't want to feel that she's 'buying' your time? Or because, in general, we are looking for someone financially stable to support us? I'm definitely an independent lady, but I somehow appreciate if the guy is paying, even if I know I can pay for all of it. Let me expound on this some other time.

5. BEING AT PAR

Say, you like this high-maintenance girl. Then you be on the same level with her, at least for the first few times. If not, it may be too much of a hassle for her. For example, I have long skipped the public transpo. I dress differently on an everyday basis, and would need to dress differently if I'm taking the bus. You can't surprise me to pick me up and walk to the jeepney station wearing my flowy dress and heels. I know, arte. But, it does make me uncomfortable. In relation to #4, we'd probably take a cab if I know you can afford it, but will take the jeepney if I know it's gonna cost you half of your budget. But you have to understand that if either way someone will suffer, most likely it will be hard to spend more time with you. It's just too much of a hassle. You can always work your way through the conversation for me to maybe try something out of my box next time, but not all the time. If you can't quite keep up, then maybe she is indeed out of your league.

Or, let's do it the other way: you're a rich guy, you like a simple girl. You have to at least meet half way. Be rich without making her feel inferior or intimidated. From time to time, you take her to a nice place; make sure she knows beforehand so she's not caught off guard. Most of the time, you can meet halfway.

6. RESEARCH AND EXPERIENCE

The players would have had so many different dates. These people do not need a guide on where to go, what to eat, etc. Or, if the girl suggests the place, he would have Googled it for directions and reviews. There may be so little or no hint that he is not familiar with the place, making you both feel at ease. The best date? The ones who make reservations.

A few weeks back, someone asked me out. Dinner. I said yes on one condition: Thai Food. I have no idea on his culinary background and adventure but he just said, "Sure, no prob." A few hours before dinner, he met me at the office and we went to this Thai resto. I knew what I wanted, I've been craving for it for a week then. I was curious what he wanted. So we ordered, afterwhich I asked him if he likes Thai. He said he's never tried it before. Surprised? Not so. In the end, he did order a wonderful dish. He said he browsed through Our Awesome Planet, checked on the food, asked the waiter about their best seller.

Keep in mind though, not every girl would tell you what she wants or where she wants to go. Most of the time, it's up to you. So you have to kind of gauge what kind of girl she is before you bring her to a place. Where you take her may imply what you think of her. If you don't have the experience, make it up by research.

7. SKIPPING THE FORMALITY

Some may perceive this as a bad thing, but the players don't usually 'declare' their intent. There's no, "Pwede bang manligaw," lines. No drama in meeting the parents. Generally because, they're players. But this can apply too, in a no-play zone. Too much formality makes the girl uncomfortable. I do remember talking to someone about this, and these were my points for him:

• If you like a girl, talk to her. Don't stalk. It would be creepy when you finally get to talk to her and you know all these things about her. Yes, I know I said research, but no stalking. Being friends on Facebook doesn't mean you're already friends with her. You can't be friends with her on Facebook and then formally ask her out over a Facebook message. Be cool and casual--in person.
• Being someone always pushed over to the friend zone, he wants it out in the open--soon. He thinks that befriending the girl and then start with going onto the next level is a betrayal. Not so. Absolutely not. For one, if you do it too soon, apart from a blank stare, she'd probably avoid you. It is natural for friends to eventually like each other, so no harm in befriending. Lastly, if you tell her too soon, you won't get to know the real her. She'd be all too self-conscious about how she is around you--that's if she's even there.
• Personally, I have said it over and again, I don't like the formal courtship thing. The purpose of courtship is to get to know each other. There's no need to label people as suitors. Skip the "Can I court you," line. At least for me, I'd rather have a good time than think about if I'm giving you wrong signals with every action I do. Maybe because I'm one of the guys, so the whole flower-chocolates-Romeo & Juliet-things aren't really making me swoon.
• G, I can't remember what else I said. Help me out here :)

8. HARD TO GET

Isn't it by nature, we want something we don't have? The more challenging the girl is, the more pursuant the guy. The players know this too. How do they do it? They give you all the attention you want, they get you hooked, and then they make you miss them. Some may deliberately let you know that they're also spending some time with girl 'friends'. This creates that mindset on the girl that she has to act fast, otherwise, some other girl gets him.

No, I am not saying you have to threaten your date. I am saying, stop drooling over her. Not too much attention. If you're a dog who follows her around, gets what she wants in a snap, you are most likely going to the friend zone, or, suffer a very long courtship stage. This is because, quite frankly, she knows there is no competition, or nothing to take your attention off her. She can have all the time in the world with you. She's not eager to meet you this week for coffee because next month, you'd still be there.

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All these being said, it's my time to play. :)