Tuesday, May 22, 2012

To AA, From CC


Though you'll never get to read this, I want you to know how much I miss you everyday. You ask me not to cry, you ask me not to dwell on it, nor drink and smoke. I say, this will only be for a few months, and a few months of 'wasted-ness' is worth it as this is for a year and a half of happy times with you. 

You are by far the best boyfriend I had--the care, the love and affection. I'm sorry that this didn't work out for you. I'm sorry that all the guidance I gave seemed as if I was a dictator in your life, manning what you should or should not be doing. I'm sorry you lost your identity and that you gave up things you loved for me, even though I never asked for it. I wish you'd find yourself again, and gain back the confidence you lost. 

I'm sorry that I think way too mature for you and you felt the pressure mounting on you to be on the same level as I am. Know that I intended nothing bad; I had nothing but support for you. I am unhappy when you are frustrated with work, family, or anything, and my advice seemed too imperative for you. You may have felt that I didn't feel proud of you, but ask all my friends and listen that I had nothing but good words for you. Support was everything I gave, but you felt otherwise. I was only pushing you because I knew you can, and that success will complete you.

It hurts that you can't give this another chance; it hurts even more knowing that you were very much willing to reconcile with your exes in the past even after you caught them cheating. I'm hoping that you will regain your trust in women, that there is at least one person who loves you enough not to cheat on you.

I don't know how to be strong, all my friends are wondering why I'm not. I used to be, but when I met you, you became my strength. Now I feel like a pillar-less building. 

When the time comes that you're lost or not sure which path to take, I will always be here ready to help you out. I will be invisible for quite sometime; for the meantime, I just need to blend in and be unnoticeable. 

Though I would like to hold on to your promise of coming back once everything is sorted out, I also know that life is not always as we planned. And one day you may find someone who can do so much more than what I have. 

To end this, I just wanna say that I hope you never forget me. That there's one person who loves you unconditionally to set you free and let you do your own thing, prepare for the future...even if she knew that that future may not include her. Thank you for everything. 

Love always,

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