Monday, December 12, 2005

Faith in Fate
Currently feeling: Full of questions
Listening to: Somewhere Down the Road

Today I said I won't cry anymore, after having cried almost every day for almost a week now. Still, I did. But, for a different reason. My friend Godfrey's sister, Rea, passed away today. She's just a fifteen year old girl, on her last high school year, dreams soaring, aiming high. She slept last night feeling a numbing headache, then nightmare, then disaster. Aneurism's the term, I think. Everything's so sudden, with really no warnings at all.

My body shook when I heard the news (through SMS). I cannot believe she's gone. She's the joy of their family, the ever-friendly to anyone who visits their home, the dreamer, the ambitious. My friend was actually finding a job to finance for her debut three years from now because Rea wants a grand one. She's supposed to be out with Noh (another friend of mine) on Sunday because she made 'hirit' to him to treat her out for a Starbucks frap. She's already saving up for kitchen tools because she wants to take up HRM after graduation. Now everything's history.

All that my friend could say between sobs is, "Why? She's so young, and she's got dreams and hopes to fulfill..." To which I could not say anything plausible. Though personally I think it's not a very satisfying answer (for if I was given the answer, I'd still question it), I said "God has a plan." Oh sh_t. I myself, I am not convinced with this answer [yet] when I asked about my currently super down self. And now, I am giving the answer out as if I know what it means?

I tried to be emotionally strong all the while that he's crying to me, hugging him when he needs it. Inasmuch as I am a crybaby, I congratulate myself for not crying in front of him who needs a strong friend to lean on. Once I got home, I went straight to the altar and plopped down. Then I started crying. I was like, "God, they always say You have a plan, and everything that happens in our life is according to Your plan. But still I can't understand why such things are happening. This is too much to be an emotional strength test. It's too much to give for one week." I know I should not be questioning Him but, how could I not? It is too much. My heart is breaking every day, getting crushed all the more. Let me know You're there. May I please even take a glimpse on what's Your plan like? Can I have my life with less guessing games please? I know I can't. And, yes, I still have faith in fate.

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