It's odd that a lot of people are talking about deaths recently. More specifically, suicide. I myself had had suicidal tendencies before (that's like ages ago) but I guess I've learned that there's a lot to live for. Yeah sometimes you feel like there's nothing to live for, that your partner's cheating, your parents are this, your friends are that, your job sucks, financially you're bankrupt, so on and so forth... Then your mind gets blurry and clouded and you see nothing but the negatives. And then melodramatically you say to yourself there's nothing to live for, or like the song goes, what's the glory in living?
Moments like these, I know I could've simply jumped off a building, or ram a car into a ten-wheeler while driving, or something like that, but I didn't. And I never will. Because I think it's stupid, because we are not to create our fate. That's why it's even called fate.
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There's been a lot going on lately. Good, bad. New, old. Cool, uncool. Laughters, tears. It's more like a circus lately. Fears. Uncertainty. Dilemma. And tomorrow I'm leaving Manila again. For another 22 days. I can't even vote.
Do you know, I fall silent 24 hours before I leave Manila? It's like me in transition from Manila-mode to work mode. Weak smiles, long stares, warm hugs. Less talks.
Stop. Close my eyes. Take a deep breath. Flip my hair. Open my eyes. Smile. Gawd, I'm so good at this. *sigh* But I have really expressive eyes; and my eyes don't lie.