Saturday, November 12, 2011

The Undeserving Princess

Friends would know that I've been very uncertain with my current relationship. Don't get me wrong, I have a great boyfriend. Of all the partners I've been with, he is the one you could see yourself having as a husband. He'll make a good husband and a loving dad to his future kids. I'm a princess. I'm his everything. He's loyal and loves me a million times than I do.

And that's the dilemma: I can't figure out what's wrong. I can't quite honestly say I have zero feelings for Al, but I know that that's gotta take a back seat. That one's not gonna go anywhere. He doesn't wanna try anymore and I understand. Like he said, make the best of what we have.

But I want to give it a shot. Deep in my heart I know I'd try having a Skype relationship. It's bullshit but what the hell. But I have to constantly remind myself that he's not willing to do that and it might just not work.

I hope I get my closure soon. No more "maybe not right now", but more like "I'm sorry it's just not gonna happen." I hate it when people can't say things as it is. The truth and even the half truths hurt, and I'd settle for the complete ones hands down.

I can't move on. I can't wait; I don't want to wait. I wanna start living my life without that percentage of hope. It breaks my heart admitting to all these. My boyfriend does not deserve this, he deserves so much better. I need to move on and start living my life with him as my focus and not because he's what I just settled for. Not just because he's the next best thing.

I need to move on. But I can't. I don't know how.


Anonymous said...

I feel for you and admire your honesty. I once loved a wrong person for a long time that I did not open my eyes to someone better, and sadly the relationship ended worst. I still have feelings for that person and it's still hard for me to accept and move on. Though, I'm still trying and learning for myself.

Reading your blogs, I know you are a matured and strong woman and you really know what's best to do. You are blessed with a good prince and wish you both the best relationship you deserve. Smile! :)

Katia said...

Thank you. Appreciate it. Hopefully I'll figure things out soon.

Maniniyut said...

we need to meet up. soon.

Katia said...


I know, right.

Anonymous said...

you're right. it's unfair to your current relationship. i suggest you re-assess how you really feel about him and not just base it on his merits. maybe you'd even realize a stronger love than you thought.

and about al, i know he is really special to you. but with how you know the guy, can't you tell if he meant what he said? or if you're just trying to be hopeful? you've been through an LDR before and you know how tough that was.

if you can't completely forget about him, probably the lesson is to move on, not move away. we could always have a room in our lives about the special people that touched us. it may not be in the same role that they once played but still, there's no putting them away.