Friends would know that I've been very uncertain with my current relationship. Don't get me wrong, I have a great boyfriend. Of all the partners I've been with, he is the one you could see yourself having as a husband. He'll make a good husband and a loving dad to his future kids. I'm a princess. I'm his everything. He's loyal and loves me a million times than I do.
And that's the dilemma: I can't figure out what's wrong. I can't quite honestly say I have zero feelings for Al, but I know that that's gotta take a back seat. That one's not gonna go anywhere. He doesn't wanna try anymore and I understand. Like he said, make the best of what we have.
But I want to give it a shot. Deep in my heart I know I'd try having a Skype relationship. It's bullshit but what the hell. But I have to constantly remind myself that he's not willing to do that and it might just not work.
I hope I get my closure soon. No more "maybe not right now", but more like "I'm sorry it's just not gonna happen." I hate it when people can't say things as it is. The truth and even the half truths hurt, and I'd settle for the complete ones hands down.
I can't move on. I can't wait; I don't want to wait. I wanna start living my life without that percentage of hope. It breaks my heart admitting to all these. My boyfriend does not deserve this, he deserves so much better. I need to move on and start living my life with him as my focus and not because he's what I just settled for. Not just because he's the next best thing.
I need to move on. But I can't. I don't know how.