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THROUGH MY DEEP SET EYES
http://throughmydeepseteyes.blogspot.com

My 2012

Before we left Baguio, we dropped by the Pink Sisters Convent to say short prayers. Being two days away from the new year and being the last time I'll be in church for this year, I prayed for my 2012. I prayed and thanked God--

--for the emotional strength He had given me. If not for that, I would not have survived the emotional rollercoaster I went through with my last relationship.

--for the guidance and strength through the heartbreak and all things nasty at my workplace.

--for family.

--for friends. I have lost some, made new ones, and rekindled with others who have drifted apart. Also, that they have greatly helped me during my lowest times. 

--for understanding a lot more things outside my norm. That I have learned and understood drinking, partying, and view it differently than the superficial. For being able to live life much lighter, and making the most out of it, rather than over thinking.

--for keeping me safe, everyday. Through my drunkenness, car problems, and that one time that I almost got hit by a motorcycle. And also on out of town travels.

--for giving me back my faith.

--for ending my year sweetly. I am sure there are no coincidences, and that everything is planned by Him. For giving me 'my 2012'. Thank you, Lord, for my Rich.

My Series 5 Work Laptop

My friends would always say, I must have been male in my past life. This is because I normally am not excited about glamming up, or shopping for clothes and make up. Gadgets and cars get me sooo hyped up like a typical guy. 

Just recently, I sought permission from my boss to request for a laptop, since I am doing double duty, and could be out of office (or out of town, sometimes) for meetings and what-nots. Being the generous and I-am-techie one, he personally called the president of our IT company and made his recommendation. I was just looking for something with nice keyboards and not so heavy like my last HP laptop. 

Samsung Series 5 Ultrabook
(Photo credit: akascope.com)

Well, my boss never settles for anything less. He ordered a Samsung Series 5 13.3" for me! I felt like a kid who'd want to jump up and down while our IT people were setting it up. It's so thin, I like the keyboard and it's just right for my aesthetic taste! My MacBook Pro craving vanished in an instant!

It was also upgraded to Windows 8. Quite frankly, it [the interface] looks nice, but I'm kinda getting lost. Well I'm sure it takes time. I kinda miss the Aero-theme-ness of Vista/Windows 7 though. The windows on the 8 aren't translucent--or am I just not figuring it out right? Anyhow,  that doesn't matter much anyway, I like sleekness and boxiness of everything on Windows 8 (I'm a sucker for clean lines).

However, I noticed that after upgrading to Windows 8, my touchpad no longer scrolls (using two fingers). I wonder who's solved this yet? I was trying to Google this and a lot of Windows 8 users are saying the same thing; can't even find a Control Panel option for it. Hmmm...help?

Christmas Hugs

As they say, life is a series of ups and downs. After finding myself on the low side of life lately--and I'm speaking emotionally, psychologically, work-related, and even financially--a series of semi-unfortunate events lead me to where I wanted to be.

This just makes me look back and thank God for all the blessings, as well for the blessings in disguise. He has just made me happier, more relaxed, with a feeling of fulfillment more than ever. I believe in karma, good and bad ones. I feel like a school girl who was just given a brand new pink Barbie stroller and I just can't wait to go to school everyday--whereas the bullies just got detention.

Life's been looking up: I got a raise, a new and exciting role (in addition to what I was) at work, my family's been nothing but closer and more appreciative. And, I just, officially, became a girlfriend. Would love to gush about details here, but let me have it to myself to treasure and remember. It was a public declaration though, but relaying the story just won't give justice to it.

So cheers to having ups and downs, to new challenges, and for keeping people close to your heart. Happy holidays! Here's a Christmas hug from me to you!

Back to Square One

I was happy. Then I wasn't. This week is just plainly unbelievable. I feel so judged and unaccepted. I do not have issues on acceptance by people who don't matter to me, but for people I love most, it does.

I was watching The Tourist a week or so back, and a line that Angelina Jolie delivers goes something like, "People have two sides. The good side and the bad side. When we love, we need to embrace both." Wording might be wrong, but you get the point.

I'm tired of making people understand who I am. How I am. How I can be. I just want someone who appreciates me for what I am, accepts that I may not be perfect, but is willing to also understand--to some extent--the way I see things. That everyone has his/her own way of seeing things, formulated from experience, and that it can vary from mine. After all, no two experiences are alike. That the actions we do, reactions that come out of our mouths, thoughts we think and theories we believe in can vary.

I'm so broken. I'm back to square one. Not again.

Slowly Believing

A lot of times we look back on things that hurt us, and we ask so many questions. Like, "Why did it happen?" "What could I have done," "Why  me," "Where did I go wrong?" Most of the time, we don't have the answers. And this is when we leave it up to fate. 

My 'fate' tattoo design.

I was NOT a believer of fate, so bad that I wanted it tattooed on my wrist: to remind me everyday that there are some things that are beyond our control. That there are some things that were bound to happen--to form us, shape us, and make us stronger and better. That nothing is by chance, and everything happens for a reason.

I can't believe how I'm saying all these right now, when a few months back I hear nothing but these fate talks from everyone. I didn't believe in fate because I used to believe in working hard for what you want, and not accept that it's "just not meant to be."

But now, more than ever, I believe--in a way--in fate. Even better, I have faith.

Just Live

At some point, I just wanna be private. My life, my rules, my happiness. Where nobody tells me what to do, and no effort in living up to people's expectations. No thinking of what others would think of my actions, decisions, choices, and thoughts.

On these days, I just wanna lie on the beach, watch the sun set. Take my own sweet time. Or pull out a blanket lie on the grass and stargaze. Get lost in the horizon. Not worry about tomorrow.

Because life is too short to be worrying about how to live it--or how to make the most out of it. Don't think about how, just live.

Live.

Laugh.

Cry.

Love.

Learn.

Enjoy.

Indulge.

Be crazy. Be spontaneous. Be creative. Be happy. Be everything you wanna be.

No Perfect Solution

You are like a dream,
Like a sweet movie scene--
A miracle from the heavens
Coz everything just made sense.

Our heartbreaks were terrible
And were just damn unbearable.
We may not have had the best
But let's just put our pasts to rest.

The only thing that matters now
Is not the what's, the why's nor how's,
But that we have grown stronger
And we're ready for something better.

I'm blessed that He's given me you
Someone so sweet, loving and true.
There's no perfect solution to happiness,
But with you, I'm willing to take my chances.

I love you more every day,
And it's a feeling I don't wanna go away.

---
For R.

1st Travel Massive Manila

As they say, all good things come to those who wait. I say, good things come to good people. The karma--good ones. I'm so excited that I'll be taking on new responsibilities within our company. Something that could make my mind going, where my ideas might actually matter. The best part is that it's still related to the travel world. That being said, I have my first official event [to represent] next week!

Photo from TravelMassiveManila.com 

I have no idea what to expect, what goes on, or what I'm supposed to do there. But I'm trying my best to learn a lot and be productive. I have one week! Talk about information overload. Here you go. This is open to all travel enthusiasts and junkies. It does, uhm yeah, say free entrance and beer. 

Hope you could join. Wish I knew what to talk about and give you a brief background, but I'm just clueless at this point. So. There. See you there.

Earphones Mode...NR

Today my earphones had given up, worn out, as you can see. Well this is a good sign that Apple earphones last long. Usually, my earphones/headphones gets deemed useless especially when one side doesn't work anymore. 

Going nostalgic, (Over earphones? IKR!) this pair has served me well. I got it two years ago with my iPhone 4, has survived:

- jostling in public transpo commute

- rainy jogging nights

- drinking-by-my-heartbroken-self nights

- getting tangled up at the gym

- sleepless nights

- crazy dancing at home

- endless Dora the Explorer with Yanabee

- a LOT more.

Lately, it's been serving its purpose in the office. I use it when I don't want any loud voice interrupting my train of thought, or just to shun shitty officemates. I'm lost in my own world, so to speak. Speaking of them, they're still at it. One GM asked me how I'm holding up; I shrugged and said, "NR." (No reaction.) 

For yesterday, I am thankful to have prayed for strength to not pick a fight or make a big fuss about stuff that are so high school. Today, I'm thankful for the upbringing my parents gave me. Otherwise, I'd just be as cheap as they are.

Deep breaths. Music. Blogging. Dancing. I can do this. 

Small Minds

It's annoying how sometimes you see people who seem so confident and contented with themselves, but deep inside they're just the most insecure b's you'd ever know. How pathetic could people be to talk about others in a very degrading manner, just to feel good about themselves? Wake up! It doesn't pull you up--at all!

The quality of your life isn't measured by whether or not you ever purchased a pair of Louboutins in your life, or what car you drive. I pity you for feeling so triumphant telling somebody, "At least ako ugali lang pangit, e ikaw mukha mo." That's so backfiring on you. I'd take the good-hearted person anytime.

I cannot wait to be out of earshot. I cannot stand the pessimism, the negativity and all the mean things you say about everyone else. Maybe I don't care what you say about me; I don't need your approval to feel good about myself. But trash-talking other people just pisses me off--those you classify as low-lifes are way better than you are.

Like they say:

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. SMALL MINDS DISCUSS PEOPLE.

Wedding Planner

As I was wandering aimlessly at ROX while waiting for my friend to choose his bike, my high school classmate and UST jeep-mate Ken sent me a message on Facebook saying, "Tia, I need your help." Alarmed, I hit reply and asked him which number I should call. I ended up adding his Singapore mobile number on Viber and called him. 

Credits: http://weddingpicturessite.blogspot.com

It turned out that he's been planning on proposing to his girlfriend and wants me to coordinate his wedding. ME? Really? My jaw dropped and I was sort of speechless; I was like, "Why me?" I don't do it for a living, I have never coordinated any event nor wedding in my life. Okay, so maybe we had organized an exhibit way back college, but that was the whole class. I may have just coordinated my own 18th birthday, but that was easy because it was my day, and my say on everything.

For a split second I had mixed emotions: 

- Happy, for him, that he's gonna get settled with his girlfriend, who I like

- Overwhelmed with the trust he's giving me, to work on his special day

- Nervous, because I have no idea where to start

- Awestruck, that he came to me for this

Although I have no idea what to do, I said I'll help out. Maybe not in a way that it's entirely my event, but since he's in SG, it'd be difficult for him to coordinate with suppliers here, so okay I'll do that. 

Hmm. Is this a career change? LOL. That, we'll have to find out.

Private

I have been blogging for less than a decade now, which would have been evident on my archive if it hadn't been hacked in '04. With the emergence of social networks starting off with Friendster to the now even-my-neighbor's-dog-has-one Facebook, the bloggers kinda lay low. It's still nice to blog though, it's like your own little space. Uhuh. I've talked about this. 

I remember back in June, wrecked from a breakup, I told my mom that I'm going out of town with a blog friend. She was like, "your what?" My sister started blogging too and kept asking for the link, which I never gave. You see, I don't tell people much that I blog.  I don't cross-post these somewhere for people to read. Unlike changing your Facebook statuses, blogging for me is very private. I don't have to see how many people have read my post, how many "likes" I get, or if I even get a comment or not. 

Yes, it's on the Internet; anybody can just bloghop and find it. But the chances are, these are people I don't know, who'd have no biases over me, no pre-conceived notion on who/what I am. Or maybe, they stumbled upon it because I wrote something that may help them, in any way. 

Like I said, it's my own little space. Somewhere I am free to dream, to rant about my worst days, to be silly and stupid, to be weak  when everyone expects me to be strong, and express anything my mind could think of, or my heart could feel. 

Yay! No Penalties!

A few months back, Cebu Pacific had one of its many seat sales; taking advantage of it, I booked myself and the then-boyfriend tickets to Bicol for the long weekend falling after Halloween. It's his family's hometown and also where his dad is buried. He hasn't visited for more than five years so I thought it'd be the perfect holiday to meet his folks there and for him to visit the grave.

After splitting up, I can't help but be pissed about doing so, wasting money for two roundtrip tickets that will not be used. CebPac happens to cost almost more than double, usually, if you are to rebook or reroute a promo ticket. All I can do is sigh and just leave it as it is. Maybe I'll go on my own, or maybe just consider it a loss--in accounting speak.

Just today, I received notice thru email that there was a schedule change to our return flight. This makes me eligible for: rebooking, rerouting, refunding or putting it in a travel fund--all without penalty! The heavens are so nice to me, and I immediately applied for a refund! 

How cool is that? Thank you Lord, you never forget me. 

iPhone 5

So Apple just launched the latest installment of the iPhone line, the iPhone 5. And just like when they launched the iPhone 4, I didn't care much about the specs, I'm sure it's great. I'm sure its functionability is more than what I need, and since it's got iPod, Internet, email, a camera, and apps, I don't need to be itsy bitsy about which one's better. 

iPhone 5 says, "I'm sexy and I know it."

Photo grabbed from Apple.com 

And again, just like the iPhone 4, I will be buying it.. for its design. I remember vividly when the 4 was to arrive in Manila, I kept staring at this huge billboard along Meralco Avenue and can't help but muse that I sooo love the design, how sleek and symmetrical, and none of the curvy back that the predecessors had. (Note: I never bought an iPhone prior to the 4.)

Please come to Manila. Now. 

The Script - Nothing

The Script. They never cease to amaze me. They just have those lyrics that you can just relate to, not to count the melody that is sooo my genre. I love them. Here are the lyrics:

Am I better off dead?

Am I better off a quitter?

They say I'm better off now

Than I ever was with her

As they take me to my local down the street

I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet

They say a few drinks will help me to forget her

But after one too many I know that I'll never

Only they can’t see where this is gonna end

They all think I'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense

Chorus:

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down

'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town

I'm swearing if I go there now

I can change her mind turn it all around

And I know that I'm drunk but I’ll say the words

And she'll listen this time even though they’re slurred

So I dialed her number and confessed to her

I'm still in love but all I heard

Was nothing

So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences

I know if we're face to face then she'll come to her senses

Every drunk step I take leads me to her door

If she sees how much I'm hurting, she'll take me back for sure

(Chorus)

She said nothing

Oh, I wanted words but all I heard was nothing

Oh, I got nothing Oh, I got nothing

Oh, I wanted words but all I heard was nothing

Ohh, sometimes love's intoxicating

Ohh, you're coming down, your hands are shaking

When you realize there's no one waiting

Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter?

They say I'm better off now Than I ever was with her

(Chorus)

She said nothing

Oh, I wanted words but all I heard was nothing

Oh, I got nothing, I got nothing

Oh, I wanted words but all I heard was nothing

Oh, I got nothing, I got nothing, I got nothing, I got nothing

Pissed: Stackers Resorts World Manager

My family had agreed to have an early dinner at Resorts World today, and dad suggested we go to Stackers. It is located on the fourth floor almost directly across the cinema ticket booth. I wasn't very hungry so I was kind of just playing around with food and looking around observing people and what they ordered.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a guy walking from the restroom area back to his table, and in a split second he just kind of disappeared. I tilted my head and saw that he slipped. The guy was about 5'10" or something, medium built, and definitely doesn't look lampa to me. Anyway, he was not just on his butt; I knew he slipped big time because he was on his elbows. Calmly, he got up, brushed his pants off, and shook his hands off of something liquid, I assume.

He then walked towards the manager, who was standing by where the orders are placed and delivered, and motioned that the floor was kinda dangerous and pointed to his pants by the back of his knee to show that it's now wet. I was observing if he will make a big deal out of it and was glad that it was as if he just FYI'd the manager. No complaints whatsoever. Good job.

Now what pissed me off was that the manager, by the name of Rommel Luna, looked at the area that he guy was referring to, and--right after the guy was out of earshot--exclaimed, "Kaya nga may 'Wet Floor' sign eh!" This ticked me off too much. In the service industry, you don't do that! Mind you, I was about 5 meters away and I clearly heard what he said! It is not only rude, but a big dismay for fellow customers at how unprofessional this manager can be. It was a Sunday and the place was full. In between the distance of the manager from myself, there are still a good five or so tables within radius who'd have heard of how he treated the situation.

I feel sorry for the guy who didn't even make a big fuss out of it (I didn't even hear in verbatim what he said) to be treated like that. Implying as if he was stupid or something, without him knowing, in front of other diners. I know morals are learned at home and through experience, but the management may want to consider briefing employees (and MANAGERS, for crying out loud!) on proper etiquette and professionalism in the service industry.

I am so complaining this person!!!

---

Update (12.08.29): I have emailed my complain to Stackers Burgers Customer Service and have received prompt reply from their deputy general manager. To anyone who needs the address, you may email feedback.ppl@gmail.com or text +63917-877-9909.

11 Weeks

More or less, I've been drinking almost everyday for about eleven weeks straight now. "Almost" means I take an alcohol break at least once a week--so that's 6 days a week on alcohol. I started doing so after the breakup turned really bad, and all I used to do was cry. I turned to alcohol because I didn't want to cry, and all I wanted is to immediately fall asleep once I get home. Wandering around the apartment sober, at that time, was just so difficult. 

Eventually, I learned the art of drinking. I enjoy conversations, new knowledge, meeting new people, going out of the comfort zone, observing people, and in due course, partying. I learned how to be carefree, plan less, be worry free, and to just go with the flow. Floating and learning a lot. I also developed my knowledge on how to be careful even when I'm drinking--crediting my increased alcohol tolerance, helping me act sane through bottles and shot glasses. 

04 Aug 2012: Seventh High, Bonifacio High Street

We may have started off on the wrong foot, but I am thankful for having my beer bud. He is very patient in accompanying me on alcohol days, we talk about anything under the sun, he pushes me to go out of my bounds at times. The best part being? No complications. He isn't aiming to be my boyfriend, I'm not aiming to be a girlfriend. We're just two people who like to hang out and learn on a daily basis. (I teach him food, he on drinks.) All the things he's made me do, I won't be able to do if I didn't trust him. 

Like, whatever drink he lets me try, I know he'd take me home in case I pass out, or pat my back if I throw up. He's made me dance to overcome the shyness, and now I dance like I don't care who's watching (he now can't keep up with the dancing, haha). He's placed me in situations that would have been so uncomfortable--like having me seated in a group guys I don't know--all to enhance my 'socialization' skills. He's taken me to all sorts of places: from the poshest super clubs in the Fort and RWM, to residential-garage-serving-beers in Guijo, even to a gay bar in Malate. He's taught me how to enjoy my nights, but still be able to go to work in the morning. He's taught me to observe and know which type of people to avoid.

Yes, it's a very different me. To some it may seem like a negative thing, but for me, it's a refreshing thing. Being out of my comfort zone is scary at first, but I'm having fun. It may just be a phase, but it's a phase I'm glad to have gone through well--safe and comfortable. 

Carpe diem.   

Locked

Last Saturday, I attended my ex's mom's civil wedding in Manila. She has been a widow for quite some time and we are really glad that she's found someone to be with her. That being said, it also meant for me to see my recent ex, whom I haven't seen for three months, I think. I last saw him when I was still in my suicidal mode. 

People were teasing us that we'd get back together but I was just brush things off. I'm doing good, I looked great (compared three months ago) and I am in no way wanting him back nor hurting seeing his face. He was his sort of usual self, taking photos of me like he used to, and smoking together. At one point he had someone take a photo of us and ended up camwhoring like the old times.

Come Monday, he was already browsing through the photos and had sent me a photo taken from his Canon. I thought, this is by far the best photo we've ever had. It almost looked like...a prenup. On my way home, I found myself unable to concentrate driving. My mind was wandering far off, and with the rush hour traffic, I thought I may not make it alive. I swerve and turn at the nearest corner, found a parking lot and parked. It may have been my hormones, but after a few minutes I was crying. 

I cried for, I think, about a couple of hours, inside my car, parked in pouring rain...how dramatic. I was getting pissed at myself for crying. Why am I crying? What am I crying about? I'm sure as hell don't want him back, but just the image of us looking great, as if no hurt ever happened--just kills me. And, you know that feeling when you just know that he loves you still? I felt that. It hurt me that he had all this love and yet he had to let me endure all that pain. He's probably indirectly turned me into something I'm very much not, at least three months ago. Because right now, I don't care, about anything, about anyone. Heck, I don't even care about myself, my career, or whatever. xx

Surfing for Eats

If you've been reading my blog for several years, you'd know what my answer is to this question: What's one thing/invention you're most thankful for? To the others who don't, my answer is "The Internet."

I mean, c'mon, who doesn't? Life just got a lot easier with it. You send emails almost real time even halfway across the world; in the era of snail mail, it takes a week or so. So much information can be Googled; I tweeted that we all used to turn to our radios during stormy weathers, but now we check Twitter for updates. I'm sure there are parts of the population who can live without a TV, radio, and newspapers nowadays. Calling overseas had also become more affordable with the emergence of VoIP services, and instant messaging with voice features, a.k.a. Skype.

Technology never runs out of ideas to make our lives more comfortable and within reach. Today I signed up for OpenTable. This website allows you to browse through restaurants (US mainly, but is expanding to other countries as well) by name or by area. The best part of it is having real-time restaurant reservations. You no longer need to call in one by one to check which restaurant can accommodate your party at a specific time. The bestest part, it's free for users!

So why am I so thrilled? For one, I'm in the Philippines, and I have very limited idea on restaurants in, say, Sonoma. Put the area in, date, time, number of party and, voila! It gives you a list of available timeslots, with brief descriptions about the restaurant, a photo, and price category.

Though the Filipinos are not used to making reservations for restaurants in general, we're getting there and I'm sure this feature will soon be available too. After all, we do have MunchPunch, which offers lists of restaurants and includes a menu too (if available). There's also the trusted ClickTheCity.

Yay for Internet!